THE ART OF EXCESSORIZING

Einmal ist keinmal

The Dow hit five-year lows, The ATF claims to have foiled a Neo-Nazi plan to assassinate Obama, operatives with the America hunt-kill Task Force 88 hit Syria, killing twenty people and a CIA drone aircraft hit a compound in South Waziristan, killing two local Taliban commanders. I find it hard to wrap my mind around the impact of plummeting stocks and its global ramifications. If Neo-Nazi conspiracies are not disquieting enough, add to it that the ATF agent in charge is named Jim Cavanaugh. If that is the Jim Cavanaugh who was the negotiator during the Waco, Texas massacre of the Branch Davidians, the truth of the matter will be as easy to find as a Cindy McCain’s personal shopper at Wal Mart. As for Syria and Pakistan, it seems that we are expanding our wars even as our economy implodes and we need every resource to fix the disaster Bush and Company bequeathed us. Is it surprising, then, that I find it easier to think about Republicans wear?

When life gives you anxiety attacks, thinking of $520 Ferrragamo shoes such as those John McCain wore during a meeting with the Dalai Lama can inject a certain levity in the current state of affairs. Imagine Joe the Plumber in Ferragamos, and you are bound to experience an unbearable lightness of being. Light as a meringue, melba toast thin Cindy McCain seems to meditate often on Milan Kundera’s take on the human condition. Einmal is keinmal, once is nonce, we have but one life, therefore our decisions are insignificant, our existence, unbearably light. What better than baubles way to anchor one in the moment? On enight, during the Republican National Convention, this is what kept the Anheiser-Bush heiress from floating up to nothingness,

Oscar de la Renta dress: $3,000

Chanel J12 White Ceramic Watch: $4,500

Three-carat diamond earrings: $280,000

Four-strand pearl necklace: $11,000–$25,000

Shoes, designer unknown: $600

Total: Between $299,100 and $313,100

Should my inner Jane Six-Pack dream of much less? Ah, well, I would nix the ceramic watch and the Chiquita Banana dress.

UPDATE IN THE ASHLEY TODD STORY
It was a hoax. Damage control in progress. Enough said.

WOULD YOU BUY A CAR FROM THIS MAN?

He crashed three American Air force planes. He chose to go to Brazil because there he would have “better chances of getting laid” and never mind his wife and their kiddies. That was then. He talks of “nuclear power pants.” He calls hair implants transplants. He confuses Downs syndrome with autism. He says that women’s health is extreme. He wants to “bomb, bomb bomb, bomb Iran.” He “categorically” proud of those who attend his rallies though some of them falsely accuse his opponent of being a terrorist, a foreigner, a traitor. They also call for his opponent’s death. He despises Bill Ayers, a former terrorist who became a teacher, but loves G. Gordon Liddy, an ex-con who gas yet to repent from his crimes. This is now.

“Rhodonite is a stone of grace and elegance. It decreases anxiety while increasing attention to detail. It works beneficially on the heart chakra, opening one to unconditional love and increased service to mankind. It is a stone of inner growth as well, and helps with self-love. It is also a calming stone, with energies used for easing anger.” I got this information from a site maintained by a purveyor of crystals and jewelry. If she is correct, I made rhodonite necklace just in time, what what with the McPalin lies clogging the airwaves while the Lehman Brothers and Merrill
Lynch hit the skids. Alan Greenspan tells us, as if we did not know, that this the worst economy he has seen and the worst is yet to come. My heart chakra quails at the thought.
What are we to do, good folks? A friend from whom I had not heard for a couple of months, e-mails a recommendation for passion fruit caipirinhas. His is as probably as effective a prescription as the chakra stone lady’s. But what is good antidote for lies? The Palin person claims she has been to Iraq and she has not; she says her son enlisted on 9/11 and he dud not; she does not know what the Bush doctrine is and keeps mum about Russia’s invasion of Georgia. She quotes an arch-racist to bolster her image of upright citizen of a small town, but will not explain where in the sam hill did she get the notion that lying is a small town value. Was it
in the same place where she got the idea that rape victims should shell out or their rape kits?
It is all too bizarre. McCain lies about Obama and yet McCain calls himself an honorable man. Obama never advocated comprehensive sex education for kindergartener. MCCain knows that, but he thinks that it is honorable to lie and to spread disinformation. Is that the kind of leader we want? If so, I am going to consider petitioning the Canadian government for political asylum. rhodonite ain’t gonna do it if these guys get elected. No, it will never happen. We,
the American people are not easily duped, are we? True, there is the matter of the weapons of mass destruction that never materialized, Saddam Hussein’s purported participation in the 9/11
attack–our president’s reason to invade Iraq–and the gazillion falsities we have allowed to go unchallenged for the past eight uears. But we have learnt from our mistakes, haven’t we, haven’t we? Say we have. Please.

A good day’s work means three pair of fabricated earrings and three beaded necklaces. Then one takes pictures, posts them, copies and pastes BUT ME buttons et voila, one is in business. Maybe. The economy being what it is, jewelry is not uppermost in the mind od the average West Virginian. If a visit to the grocery store is an indication of the state of the union, why, it is grim. Last Friday,during the two hours it took to do our stocking up for the entire month, we saw one shopper smile. This predominance of frowns is new to our area. We are pretty laid back, resilient folks in West Virginia, so what is going on?

There is something missing these days. It is as if the hope Barack Obama talks about is in abeyance. How could it not when all one hears from the McCain-Palin camp is lies and the worst kind of ad hominem attacks on the opposition? Nowhere do MCain–Palin handlers mention what they are going to do about, say. the price of chicken, which risen dramatically since the cost of fuel went up.

Grocery shopping is about survival, but is also about comfort and celebration. One buys food because one must, but often one also buys it with the idea of enjoying a good meal, of sharing it with one’s family and one’s neighbors, and with the hope pf celebrating a holiday, a birthday, an anniversary. Hopeful shoppers chitchat, smile, tell jokes. Unhappy shoppers brood and in West Virginia we have much to brood about. We are a gun and God state. That is, the majority of us vote out of fear that a liberal Democrat will take away our Bibles and our guns. The rest of vote for liberal Democrats or not at all. At the moment we seem to brood collectively about the lack of direction in our leadership. Though the gun and God crowd will not admit it, we all a bit scared about our uncertain future. Sarah Palin’s lies do not comfort any of us when we get to the checkout counter.