THE ART OF EXCESSORIZING
Einmal ist keinmal
The Dow hit five-year lows, The ATF claims to have foiled a Neo-Nazi plan to assassinate Obama, operatives with the America hunt-kill Task Force 88 hit Syria, killing twenty people and a CIA drone aircraft hit a compound in South Waziristan, killing two local Taliban commanders. I find it hard to wrap my mind around the impact of plummeting stocks and its global ramifications. If Neo-Nazi conspiracies are not disquieting enough, add to it that the ATF agent in charge is named Jim Cavanaugh. If that is the Jim Cavanaugh who was the negotiator during the Waco, Texas massacre of the Branch Davidians, the truth of the matter will be as easy to find as a Cindy McCain’s personal shopper at Wal Mart. As for Syria and Pakistan, it seems that we are expanding our wars even as our economy implodes and we need every resource to fix the disaster Bush and Company bequeathed us. Is it surprising, then, that I find it easier to think about Republicans wear?
When life gives you anxiety attacks, thinking of $520 Ferrragamo shoes such as those John McCain wore during a meeting with the Dalai Lama can inject a certain levity in the current state of affairs. Imagine Joe the Plumber in Ferragamos, and you are bound to experience an unbearable lightness of being. Light as a meringue, melba toast thin Cindy McCain seems to meditate often on Milan Kundera’s take on the human condition. Einmal is keinmal, once is nonce, we have but one life, therefore our decisions are insignificant, our existence, unbearably light. What better than baubles way to anchor one in the moment? On enight, during the Republican National Convention, this is what kept the Anheiser-Bush heiress from floating up to nothingness,
Oscar de la Renta dress: $3,000
Chanel J12 White Ceramic Watch: $4,500
Three-carat diamond earrings: $280,000
Four-strand pearl necklace: $11,000–$25,000
Shoes, designer unknown: $600
Total: Between $299,100 and $313,100
Should my inner Jane Six-Pack dream of much less? Ah, well, I would nix the ceramic watch and the Chiquita Banana dress.